SMG4 Parodies! :D
by LoopyHoopz14
Summary: I luv SMG4's videos! Which ish why I did this, with a LOAD of his videos in my... urm... words i guess? I suck at summary, but stories are good :D
1. Retard14: Freddy's Cookieria!

Being the greedy person she was, Loopy made a stall, saying 'Smartest person in the world!' and 'One cookie for a question answered!' After a few minutes, a girl came past and saw the signs. "Hm? Whats this?" She said as she looked at the signs. After staring at them for a minute, she gave Loopy a cookie, who smiled in joy.

The girl looked around then came up close to Loopy. "Did the guy really think I was pretty yesterday?" She asked. Loopy, still with the smile on her face, shook her head. "Nope!" She said as the girl stared at her, tears in her eyes.

More people came by the second with questions like,

"Where do you find a pet Russian dolphin?"

"Why does nobody pay attention to Emma?" Her sister Emma asked, with the reply of a very sing-song answer: "Nobody cares~! Nobody cares~!"

"What's nine plus ten?" Asked one person. "Tweny wun!" Loopy answered.

"Why do my farts smell?"

"Why are you so mean to me?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A SONIC?!"

"How do the rainbows smell the trees?"

"Hey you got a license for that?" Asked a policemen, which Loopy looked at him very confused. "Hmmm?" She questioned with a kind-off like troll face on.

* * *

Loopy ended up in prison, even though she was doing a good deed to the cookie master. "Shit!" She said as they closed the doors. She then looked to her right to see a community board, saying 'If ya wanna get out! Help out!'. It also had a cop running and saying 'STAHP RIGHT THERE !', the main catchphrase for all policeman. "Oh no..." Loopy said as she looked at the board. She sighed before something caught her eye. "WOOOOAAAH!" She said as she looked at a paper saying 'Guard Wanted: Cookieria! A sexy lady who is good at guarding,' This was all she read, however, not looking at the 'and DOESN'T eat the godamm cookies. You know how many people have eaten the crap we make its worse than any war'.

* * *

A kid walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, someone opened it. "Trick or treat!" He said, even thought it was a few days gone pass Halloween. The man sighed then closed the door, making the kid rage.

"w-w-w-WHAT THE FUCK! GODAMIT! ALWAYS NEVER GIVE ME A CHANCE! YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A CHANCE!" He was soon run over by Loopy, who was driving recklessly on the road. "Move bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way bitch get out the way!" She was singing as the dead child layed motionless on the road.

She arrived at very dark place and a building. "Oooh, very scary," She said as she looked at her map. It read '420 Spooky Street, this map isn't very helpful'. "Hmmm... What the fuck are we looking at?" She said. On the right, there was a building that read 'Freddy's Cookieria' and a bunch of cookies on it. "That must be the place!" She said excitedly as she went inside. "Lalalalala hmmm! Lalala-" She was cut off by Freddy being thrown against the wall. "WOAH!" She yelled, jumping back instantly. Two people then came out, one in normal clothing, the other in a uniform, who must be the security guard. "Please? Please? PLLEEAASSEE?" Begged the one without the uniform, however the other declined. "No no no A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES NO! I AM STICK AND TIRED OF THIS SHIT! GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO FUCKING DO IT!" He then paused with a serious face, "And most importantly," He began before turning to the animatronic that was thrown, "FUCK. YOU!" He shouted before screaming, jumping through the window and running away. Loopy and the man both stared at eachother for a second. "Well if your here for the job, I think a job just opened," He said. Loopy smiled, basically forgetting what just happened. "Yaay~" She said with joy. "And don't worry about the other guy, he didn't get along with the robots!" The man said with a smile on his face. The bear instantly came to life, with sparks going everywhere. "Hey there buddy!" Freddy said with a creepy voice.

* * *

**_12am_**

A phone rang once the clock struck twelve in the office. Loopy picked it up instantly. "Hello? Hello? Well, if your hearing this your fucked! Totally fucked!" Said the person on the phone. Loopy put it down on the table to rattle on to himself while she looked in a random placed fridge. "BULLSHIT! Wheres my cookies!? Wheres my cookies?!"I work at a cookieria and I'm not even provided free cookies?!" She yelled and kicked it angrily. She checked the cameras, with everything in place and a random Dr. Eggman in a random place. "Hmmm... Nice computer you got here!" She said. Loopy tried to do something else, but all she could do was flick through cameras. "It doesn't even go on Youtube!" Loopy complained. She then went to the door. "Fuck this!" She said as she flicked on the lights. It showed Freddy looking into the window creepily. "Wahh!" She yelled as she flicked off the lights.

She stared at the window for a minute, before flicking them back on again, showing pedo bear this time. "Eep!" She squeaked before turning the lights off again. She turned them back on straight afterwards, which showed troll face guy. Afterwards it showed Toad, then Barney, who started singing, "I love you, you love me!" with the Freddy music when the power goes off in the game. Loopy screamed before turning them off for the last time. "I think I'll just stay in her for now," She said, a scared look spread across her face.

* * *

_**1am**_

Loopy looked outside, a ninja look on her face. There was no one around.

She slowly crept around the party room and into the backstage. "Hmmm... Say, ima hungry!" She said before entering. As soon as she gone in, Freddy got more sparks thrown across the place. "It's raping time!" He said in a robotic voice, as Chica spazzed out. "PIIIIIZZZZAAAA!" It said while spazzing out.

"Hello!" Loopy yelled when she went in, a cheerful smile on her face. "Have u got any food?" She asked to, well, basically nothing, but Loopy didn't mind one bit. However, what she saw wasn't cookies, or any type of food. Instead, it was robot heads and other things that looked like the ones outside. "Woah!" Loopy gasped in a mixture of surprise and amazement. There was also a big sign saying 'No cookies', causing Loopy to rage.

"Mother fucker!" She yelled, annoyed. Suddenly, behind her, was some deep laughter and then sound of the door locking. "Huh?" She said in confusion. Freddy was behind her.

"Only you can prevent RAAAPPPEE!" Freddy shouted. Loopy screamed and ran to the other side of the table. However Freddy was chasing after her singing a song. "Look at that booty~! Show me the booty~! Gimme that booty~!" He basically sang about booty. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" She yelled in shock from what this... bear... thing was singing. Shortly after she said that, a Chica head started talking. "Bark B-Bark Bark! Piiizzzzaa!" It said, giving Loopy a 'clever' idea. Quickly, she threw the Chica head at Freddy, hitting him square in the face and fall down. Loopy took this time to get the heck out of the room she was in. Once she was out, she looked back. "What the fuckity fuck fuck was that?!" She yelled, soon after piano music was playing on the stage.

Foxy was playing the piano.

**If I could see your face**

**I know that I would puke!**

**Cuz**

**You look like a dude**

**Whose face just got juked**

**On a football field**

**He looks like his face got smashed**

**You kinda look like**

**A big fat ass**

**You kinda look**

**Like a lil.. Bi-**

**( SkyDoesMinecraft on Youtube 'If I could see your face' This is the real song! Its not piano and plus I dont know what Foxy said in that sooo... yh... XD )**

Before he could say bitch, all the animatronics came to the stage, all dancing randomly. Loopy took this chance to scream and run back to the office.

* * *

_**2am**_

The phone guy came back on. Loopy answered it by putting it on the table, then looking outside with a serious face on. "Hello hello? There are demons on the first floor. They have 12 swords, and they will slash them into your fucking brain!" Loopy got bored and started to open and close the doors. "Yeah never mind, scratch that," The phone guy still carried on, "It's best not to get caught, urh alright, okay I'll leave you to it," As soon as the phone went dead, Foxy stood outside, his jaw wide open.

"Wahh!" Loopy yelped and jumped back, letting Foxy in. "Hey dude, just wanted to let you know the pizza's ready," Foxy said in a dopey voice. Loopy, being her retarded self, stuck her tongue out. "No! Go away!" She yelled, wanting the fox to leave. However, he remained where he was. "I'm sorry man I was just curious," He replied.

On the right side of the room, Chica was at the window. "Piizzaa!" She said, obviously obsessed with it. Loopy sighed and turned around, only to find Freddy there with a slice of pizza on the floor. She took a step back from him. "GET IN MY BELLEH!" He shouted at it. Foxy came up to him. "Hey dude, you gonna finish that pizza?" He asked in his dopey voice again, only to get Freddy saying 'IM GOING TO RAPE U!' and randomly attack Chica. A few seconds later, Bonnie came in. "SOMEBODY REMOVED THE FRICKING PIZZA!" She shouted, making everyone scream and freak out, including Dr. Eggman for some reason. Loopy sighed and called a takeaway place.

"Hello children! What would you like to order?" The guy from the phone asked. Loopy giggled. "Cookies!" She replied, before getting punched by Chica. "NOO!" She said as she took the phone off her, "Pizza, Pizza Pizza, Pizza?" She said to the phone, making the guy serving confused. "Saay whaat?" He said with a raised eyebrow. "Pizza!" Chica said one last time before getting punched by Dr. Eggman. "NOPE!" He shouted as he took the phone of her. "People people people people!" He said eagerly to the phone. "We don't have that stuff here!" The guy replied.

* * *

_**2:30am**_

The doorbell rang, in which Chica went to open the door. A delivery man stood there, holding some pizza.

"Hello lady! Here's your pizza!" He said, a cheerful look on his face. Chica took it excitedly. "WAHOOOO! PIIIIZZZZAAA!" She yelled, dancing around with it. "AAAAAnndd!" The guy began, "That will be 12.95!" This made Chica go silent. However, in a matter of seconds, she was wearing a magicians hat. "Would you like to see a mmaaaaggiicc trick?" She asked.

Soon after, the guy was stuffed in a Freddy costume mouth. "Nailed it!" Chica said, pleased with herself.

* * *

_**3am**_

(**Urh, the animatronics do get a bit feisty now,) **"AMG JUSTIN BEEIIBBEER!" Bonnie fan-girled at the at Justin Beiber picture. **(But do I blame them? No) **"Surprise mother fucker!" Freddy said behind Foxy, making him scream and jump back. **(If I had to sing the same songs everyday for twenty years,) **"I wuv u!" Freddy said after, with hearts in his eyes. **(I would be feisty too. So lets remember to hold a special place in our hearts for them,) **"Shut up! You had your finger up my ass!" Foxy yelled at him, annoyed at the animatronic bear. "But I love you," He replied back. **(and show them a lil respect!) **"Are you hungry?" Chica asked to her bib, which had a creepy mouth and derpy eyes on it, "Yesh I'm hungry, NOW GIMME SOME FOOD!" The bib, or mostly Chica replied in a angry way. Chica chuckled and 'gave' the bib some pizza, before saying afterwards, "I am lonely..."

"Oh my god... The fuck did I come to?" Loopy answered, before a screaming Justin Beiber came flying pass the office, followed by Bonnie. "ZOMG JUUUSSSTTIIINNN BBBEEIIBBBEERR!" She screamed, nearly loud enpugh to burst Loopy's eyedrums. "Hey man, lemme do my job alright?" She asked, a tone of annoyance in her voice. However, her reply was what she would of expected from Bonnie. "Fuck you!" She yelled, before running off to find Justin again.

Loopy sighed. "These fricking animatronics are more annoying then scary!" Shecomplained, not noticing Golden Freddy behind. It was only when he said 'Hi' was when she looked around, first annoyed, then scared. "AHH! WHAT DA FUCK!... WHAT DA FUCK OKAY?!" She yelled at it. Golden Freddy then puked out some cookies, making Loopy's eyes shine with gleam. "Oh, woaaah~" She said, not noticing the 'Its me' and 'I'm here' words in front of her. "Yaay~! Come here cookie cookie!" She went closer towards it, before a picture of Burito Man appeared in front of her face. She scream and tried to run away, only with words coming up as ' Loopy14. exe has stopped responding'

* * *

_**DoUEvenSwag?am**_

When Loopy woke up again, she had the face of herself, but the body of Foxy. _~Holy...~_ She thought as she looked around. The other animatronics were dancing around as kids of all ages screamed and ran around the cookieria. "YOOODDAAA!" One kid shouted as he flew to the other side of the room and blew up. "Welcome to Freddy Fazbears Cookieria," said the phone guy, with no emotion at all, "A magical place where kids and adults alike can enjoy and have fun".

Suddenly, Burito Man appeared before her again, "HEWOO!" He said, his retarted voice on full mode. "B-B-Burito Man?!" Loopy stuttered as she saw him. "My names Burito! And I. Like. COOOKKKIIIESSS!" _~Awww hell no!~ _Loopy thought as she looked at him angrily. Burito Man started spinning round in circles. "We are gonna have a tea-" "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Loopy stopped him from speaking anymore and did a 'Bite of 87' thing. Everyone started screaming and freaking out. "Oh my god! I'm sooo sorry..." She said, before adding "JUST KIDDING BITCH!" and putting on some badass shades to awesome music.

* * *

_**Back to 3am**_

"Wahhh!" Loopy yelled, before jumping up and looking around. "Oh what?! Just a dream?! WHY COULDN'T IT BE FRICKING REAL?!" She yelled, a sad look on her face.

* * *

_**4am**_

Lopy sat in her chair, unable to sleep and struggled to keep her eyes open. " I'm so, HUNGRY!" Bonnie yelled from the left door, a crowbar in her hand. Chica was standing at the right door. "WHERES MY PIZZA!? WHERES MY PIZZA?!" She shouted, a crowbar in her hand also. They were both banging on the windows. "YOU JUST HAD ONE CHICA! Go away! Can't you buy your own?" She yelled then asked, wondering why they weren't ordering there own.

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman was still on the phone to the delivery guy. "PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE!" He shouted, making the guy on the other phone line angry. "I told you, I. DON'T. SELL. PEOPLE!" He shouted back. The land of Retard sure was a weird place.

"You can't stay in there forever!" Foxy said, crowbar in hand also. _~Where the fuck do they get these crowbars from?~ _She thought, before saying, "Ha! Watch me!", with both doors still closed. She actually took this chance to look at the power charge... Which was at 14%. "HOLY SHIIT!" She yelled, making Chica smirk. "Deafeted know BITCH!?" She asked as the power went down.

**13%**

**12%**

**11%**

Freddy started to do his creepy laughter, which made it go down to 6%

**5%**

**2% Cause that's logical**

Suddenly, Loopy got a idea, as she got a random bomb and held it in her hand in throwing position. "THIS. IS. SPARTA!" She yelled as she threw it at the the power thing.

** ?"£*'#%**

Loopy then turned to Chica. "Chica! What does the scouter say about his power level?" She asked, making Chica look at her confused. "Pizza?" She relpied. "NO!" Loopy began, "ITS OVER 9000!" She yelled. As soon as she said that, the bomb blew up.

**WDFZOMG%**

And that percentage was changed into:

**INFINITE% And that's maths kids ^^**

Loopy stared at it for a second, then put on some really cool shades, "Total Badass!" She said, as she started dancing to the nyan cat sing. However, Freddy and the others weren't gonna give up that easily. "SHE FUCKING CHEATED!" Freddy yelled, and that yell started a war. Bonnie and Chica got machine guns and started shooting at the doors randomly... Not enough to break it, but enough for Loopy to start freaking out. "Hello lil girl... YOUR GONNA DIE NOW!" Foxy said, his voice turning robotic and deep. The door suddenly opened to reveal Foxy spazzing out.

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!" Loopy chanted, before closing the door on Foxy's lower body. "Oww... Oh god.." He groaned in pain. "Yay~ Wahah!" She cheered, not noticing Freddy behind her. When she did look back, it was too late. "Gotcha bitch" Freddy said, while Loopy sighed in anger. "Dammit!" She yelled.

She ended up in a bowl of scorpions... deadly ones, might I add. However, due to her stupidity and retardness, she was instantly immune to the bite, but it still hurted like hell.

* * *

_**5am**_

**(Hey, urm, your doing great! Most people don't last this long,) **"Better safe than story! Better safe than sorry..." **(I'm not implying that they die or anything! No, nothing like that)** Loopy kept chanting this, with her left door chained up and her eyes having black circles underneath from the lack of tiredness. "... Man, I'm hungry..." She said after. Loopy looked at the cameras in the restroom, which had Chica in it. "Bawk, bawk BAWK BAWK!" Loopy sighed, Chica was basically the weirdest one out of them all. "Hey dude, just wanted to let you know the pizzas ready," Foxy said, coming in to warn Chica about one and only love: Pizza. Chica cheered and went outside, only to find a bunch of cookies. "Awww..." She said.

"WHAT?! THERE WERE COOKIES HERE?! AWWWW HELL NO!" Loopy yelled, kicking the door in the process. She then watched Chica try the cookies, but then spitting them out. "IT TASTES LIKE SHIT!" She shouted, as she ran to the stage.

_...WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST SAY?! _Loopy thought as she walked outside to the stage... To kill everyone of them. "Hey!" She yelled, making Foxy and Chica look at her. She walked to basically halfway across the stage then stopped. "You don't. FUCK. With Loopy!" She said, there was silence for a minute, then Foxy laughed. "You ain't gonna do, SHIIIIT!" He said, with random laughter everywhere._Dafuq? _"You ain't gonna do, SHIIIIT!" He said again, with more laughter. He kept saying this, until Loopy sighed and pulled out a rocket launcher and shot Foxy, who exploded into pieces... Nah joking, Foxy never dies!

While this was happening, Chica and Freddy already knew their fate, and started running for their lives. "RUN BITCH! RUUUN!" They both said at the same time. Meanwhile, Bonnie came out of the 'Employees Only' room, not having a clue as to what was happening. "What the fuck is- OH JESUS CHRIST!" Bonnie screamed as Loopy blew her up to... Bonnie never dies either!

Once Freddy was in the security office, he closed the door on Chica and watched as she was blown to pieces as well (And you know what I'm gonna say :P). Freddy was now in the shoes of the Night guard, and started looking through all the cameras. He look in one camera and saw Loopy, a insane smile spread across her face, with the ones 'I'm gonna get chu~'. Freddy jumped back in fright, then started looking at the other cameras. After a while, he saw Loopy running down the East Hallway, just like Foxy did. "OHNONONONONONO!" He yelled as he closed the door. She started banging on it randomly. "I am so! Startled!" He whispered. At the moment, the power went out, and revealed the face of Loopy, like in the game... THEN JUMP SCARE!

* * *

_**~6am~**_

"Hi kids! Rise and shine!" The owner of the place said happily, only to find it trashed and on fire, with Loopy dancing in the middle of broken animatronics. "Wahoo! Hewoo~" She said with a cheerful smile on her face. The owner gasped. "w-w-w-WHAT THE FUCK! You had one job! One. job!" He said, with his eye twitching.

Loopy, however, took no notice. "Say, have you got any food? I'm hungry!" She said, still with her smile on.

"Pizza!"

* * *

**WAHOOO! THERE YOU GO! A PARODY OF SMG4 FNAF! If u want me to do more, sure, just tell me which one u want to do ^^**

**WELP! TIME TO GET TO LV 59 ON ELSWORD! BAI BAI!**

(P. S: Some things changed since I didn't know what they said, but hey, thats better right?... RIGHT?!)


	2. Danganronpa Christmas 2015

**Whooooooooooaaaaaah I'm back!**

**I'm more of a Quotev person than a person now, but hey hoy!**

**I put this story on Quotev as a Christmas thing, so I decided I may as well put it on here as well. Because why the hell not c:**

**Keep in mind: The is a DANGANRONPA (1 and 2) fandom thing, and it will contain some spoilers. If you haven't watched it/planning to watch it, I suggest not reading further. If you don't care or have seen both of these, then continue on m8 :^)**

* * *

It's the day before Christmas (Sadly it ain't right now icri-). Five members which included Hajime, Nagito, Chiaki, Hiyoko and Mahiru were at the airport, ready to go on their trip to a location we don't know about. Because for some reason the island they were on decided to come back to life and now the planes are working. And people. There's people around. Anyways, one thing for sure was that Nagito was very much excited.

"YEAH! CHRISTMAS VACATION!" The hope crazed albino cheered, slightly jumping up and down while also doing little dance moves filled with bagels and hope. Chiaki was next to him, wondering what the actual fuck he was doing.

"Favourite time of the year!" He paused before looking at the pink haired gamer. "Try not to get your ass stuck in ice again Nanami." He said with a innocent smile, though she only glared at him.

"Shut up before I stab you." She said menacingly, which caused the albino the give a nervous laugh.

Hajime watched from afar. He seriously though that everyone had gone retarded during the time on the island, but meh. Nothing he could do about.

"Hehe... Er. Saonji! Are you ready to go on this fun vacation?" He asked, looking at Hiyoko. For some reason she was wearing some swag sunglasses, but still had her kimono on because the island was still sunny and warm at this time.

"Yeah bitch!... How do you think I feel?"

Meanwhile, Mahiru was getting their tickets from the ticket person. Actually, besides Hajime, she was the only other person closest to normal. Possibly.

"Alright, NEXT!" The man at the counter shouted, which directed the red haired girl's attention from the group to him.

"We're heading to Isle Delfino." She said, and whether that was actually a place or not was unknown. I need to look that up.

"Alright let's see-" Before he could continue, a buzzing sound erupted the area. Actually it sounded more like a police siren. "Hey! Something is jamming the suitcase conveyor belt!" He shouted. The sign above it had said 'No riding on the conveyor belt!' with a Monokuma face on it. Underneath it had said 'Especially if you're a hope bagel crazy psycho or a robot'.

And those very people were riding it, singing jingle bells.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!" After saying that, Nagito had joined in with Chiaki.

"Oh what fun (Once someone shouted "Stop right there!", Chiaki had jumped off, however Nagito had continued) it is to ride on a one horse-" Nagito couldn't finish, for he was soon beat up by some Monokuma's in sexy police suits. Hajime and Hiyoko watched, the ahoge man staring with surprised while Hiyoko smirked.

"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS! :D" She shouted, before going over to join the Monokuma police squad in beating up Nagito. Hajime, on the other hand, had simply faceplamed with six hands.

* * *

"Okay ladies and gentlemen! Please give me your luggage for the plane!" A Monokuma dressed in a shitty goomba costume had said to the five. Nagito, still dizzy from being beat up by a squad and Hiyoko had dizzily went up to him.

"Hoooooold on! Let the disabled bagel go first!" He said in a drunk manner, even though he wasn't even drunk. Maybe he was just high on bagels. Mahiru gave him a nervous look.

"Uhh, Komaeda... I don't think your stuff will fit..." She said to him, though he just gave a smile.

"No it's fine :D" He said to her, before turning back to goomba Monokuma.

"Alright... Here it is!" Upon seeing his stuff, the Monokuma gave a 'oh shit' look. It was literally a waggle with a load of bagels on it. Hope bagels. Which looked as if it was going to fall...

"Holy sh-" Before he could finish, literally all the bagels fell on him. Maybe now he will be filled with shitty hope.

* * *

"Koizumi! This is Jabberwock Island news!" And in comes a Monokuma in a shitty lakitu costume. Seriously, why are they all so fucking bad- *ahem* Anyways:

"Please talk about your trip!" He had asked, however before Mahiru could answer she was pushed out of the way by Nagito, who still seemed happy.

"Well when I get there Ima get a big bowl of BAGELS!" At the moment he went in hope crazy mode.

Watching the program were two mysterious figures, who were planning revenge on the five. One figure had walked pass a wanted sign that said 'Wanted: Mukuro Ikusaba - Always A Slut For Guns'.

* * *

YES FINALLY THE FUCKTARDS OF FIVE ARE ON THE PLANE! So far Nagito was eating a bagel, while Hajime- who was next to him- gave a 'Fuck my life' kind of look. Mahiru was asleep and Hiyoko was looking at some playboy stuff that was just a load of kimonos. Somehow she had a turn on for them.

"Hey uhh... Where's Nanami?" Hajime asked, looking around to see where she was. Nagito had stopped eating his bagel to answer his question.

"Oh! Hoohoo! We would save money if we had a child with us..."

What that meant was that Chiaki was strapped in a child chair in the 'Daycare center', being talked to by a old man who kept on saying 'Who's a good girl?'. In other words, Chiaki wasn't impressed and she was done with everyone's shit.

"Hm... I need more bagels... FLIGHT ATTENDAAAAANT!" Nagito shouted, to which as soon as he shouted one had came. However it strangely looked like a certain despair solider with a derpy face... HOWEVER NAGITO WAS TOO RETARDED TO SEE THAT.

"Yeeeeeees?"

"I'm hungry, have you got any food?" Nagito asked, to which Hajime leaned forward to see what was going on.

"Yeeeees!" At that moment, the person pulled out a knife. Seeing this, Hajime looked at Nagito.

"Komaeda! Watch out!" He warned, pulling him out of the way just in time for him not to be stab. The person, now identified as Mukuro, stepped closer to them.

"I'm baaaaaack... Remember me?" She asked. While Hajime had a fearful look on his face, Nagito gave a small hum.

"Uh... Crazy fan that wants my butt?" He question. At that moment, a announcement had came in.

"Thiiis is your captain. We'll be experiencing some turbulence. At this time I'm going to ask you to DIIIIIE BITCH!" Guess who's flying the plane?! JUNKO FUCKING ENOSHIMA! AND GUESS WHO CAN'T FLY PLANES?!

...

Junko Fucking Enoshima.

...

Oh.

Because that bitch didn't get flying lessons, the plane was starting to fall down and everyone started screaming. Don't even think about asking how it was flying until now. Though, while everyone was screaming, Nagito seemed to have been enjoying it and was just going 'Weeeee!'. Because of the screaming, Mahiru had woken up and started screaming too. However Hiyoko was too busy in her magazine to actually give a fuck right now.

Mukuro seemed to not give a shit as he walked up to Hajime.

"I WILL KILL YOU GUUUUUYS!" She screamed at them, however he was knocked out of the way by a screaming Chiaki in a baby chair. Everyone kept on screaming until the plane had crashed landed into a snowy island. Miraculously, the five had actually survived. Well, Nagito was now freaking out, Hajime was upside down dangling his feet upwards in the freezing snow. Hiyoko... Had just began to notice everything.

"Okay done!... What did I miss?" She asked, looking around. Mahiru looked around, scared, though was knocked down to the floor by Chiaki, who was running around and panicking.

Oh hey look, Mukuro survived. And she wasn't happy. In fact her eye was starting to twitch.

"I WILL GET YOU FOR RUINING MY BIRTHDAY!" she shouted again, however a wild Junko had appeared, very much alive.

"I DON'T THINK SO!" She shouted, holding a axe in her hand. Mukuro looked at her.

"Hey! These are my victims! Go away!" She said, which caused Junko to frown.

"Ohh heeeeellll nooo!" With that, a cat fight started between the two sisters, while the five watched.

"Ahhh young love... Let's leave." Nagito said. Everyone agreed and began to walk off.

Meanwhile a MAGICAL MONOMI WAS FLYING THROUGH THE SKY with her awesome huge hope cup. Yes, it was a cup. And plus she couldn't fly anymore. Anyways, the pink rabbit was trying to be evil.

"I will find Santa Claus! He's gonna hand over my presents!" She muttered to herself, before trying to do a evil laugh. However, it failed, and she ended up coughing really violently. Her cup started spinning around rapidly while she was also coughing.

"Hey... What the heck was that sound?" Hajime mumbled to himself, however shrugged it off. At front, Mahiru noticed something.

"Guys look! I see a building up ahead!" She said, pointing to it.

* * *

And IT WAS ACTUALLY SANTA'S HOUSE YAAAAY! AND LOOK A SONG IS COMING UP BITCHES!

"We're riding through the snow!

In a one horse open sleigh!

Over the fields we go!

Laughing-!" Then Santa was knocked out of the way as the door slammed into him, pressing him towards the wall. And Nagito had done that. Good fucking job.

"Hello!... Hm, where is everybody?" He questioned as he stepped into the house, however he gave another 'hm' as he looked at the door. Once Santa had fallen to the ground, Chiaki jumped back in a surprised manner.

"My sack... My sweet sweet sack.." Santa whispered, though no one actually knew what he meant by that. Nagito soon realized who it was, and gasped.

"SANTAAAAAA!" He fangirled, and sexy music came on as he looked at Santa. Really he was imagining Hajime as Santa. Well, that's what you thought until he soon got angry.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! WHERE'S MY SUPER AWESOME BAGEL TEA PARTY SET YOU BASTARD!" He screamed, though Hajime had sighed.

"Komeada, why do you think you get coal every year?" He asked, but what he didn't know was that the coal was full of bagels thanks to Nagito's bullshit powers.

"What are you jolly Ultimates doing at Santa's Workshop?" Santa asked, and somehow he knew that they were Ultimate. Three of them said theirs one by one so I'm gonna just put in what they said.

"I'm hungry..." - NagiHOE

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE-" - CHOEaki

"I was raped!" -HOEyoko

"Ah... O... Okay then... Well if you fella's excuse me Christmas is close-" And that was when Junko and Mukuro came crashing through the window, still fighting. They brought along Mirai Nikki OP1 as well, so I guess that was good. Though, Santa didn't like it.

"That is enough! Alacaboobies!" And with his super kawaii sugoi doki doki desu magic that Santa threw at them, he made them really hopeful and happy. Which was actually pretty scary. In fact so scary it scared the girls in the fucktard five group. Hajime just looked confused, and Nagito just shouted gay. yEAH NAGITO YOU COULD TALK YOU FUCKING GAY ALBINO-

"They're not gay. I gave them the magic of *insert happy music and a rainbow with words saying:* CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!" Santa said magically, though Nagito still said gay from the corner of the magical screen or whatever.

"Christmas spirit makes anyone happy. Like that guy over there." Santa pointed over to a drunk Kazuichi that was magically there wearing a really weird and not sexy santa outfit. He just waved and burped.

"Huh, now I'm off schedule... WHO HERE WANTS TO HELP SANTA GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS!?" Literally everyone form the fucktard five started fangirling and saying me, including Junko. However Nagito was already pissed and shouted no. Mukuro soon jumped in front of them.

"I liek turtles." She said happily.

* * *

And now for you to insert a happy montage here. Lemme give you the highlights of it though.

[Santa chasing Nagito to stop him from putting a bomb in a present.]

[Hajime actually doing something and putting toys in present. Meanwhile Hiyoko just put weed in every single one.]

[Nagito putting his name three times on the nice list, along with a bagel on it. He had also crossed out Hajime, Chiaki, Obama, Snorlax, Leroy Jenkins off the nice list. Nagito had crossed out his name from the naughty list, however kept Monomi there because he's a bitch.]

[Nagito was then caught by the drunk Kazuichi, but got away using his ultimate bullshit powers.]

[And then he was thrown in the fire. But survived because of his- yeah you get it.]

[Santa introduced Chiaki to his robot elves, saying they will do whatever she wants. Chiaki asked the robot elf to kiss her, though she was thrown into a table.]

[While the robot elf laughed, Santa facepalmed.]

[And then Mukuro and Junko were just dancing around like the now derpy people they are.]

* * *

Meanwhile Monomi got over her coughing fit and was soon getting cold. Don't ask how.

"*monomi huff intensifies*... Gotta... Find... Santa... Get... Presents..." She grumbled, before sighing.

"I don't think... I can..." Though she suddenly spotted something. SHE SPOTTED THE WORKSHOP WHICH I ALSO SAID WAS A HOUSE EARLIER ON BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO CHANGE IT!

"Hehe... It's Monomi time!" Going full speed towards the building, she shouted 'YODA!' while her cup was on fire. Like one of those effects not actual fire.

* * *

"Hohoho! Thank you everyone!" Santa said. Literally everyone was happy, though Hiyoko was still looking swag.

"It has been a great pleasure working with you!" He said, while Nagito also smiled.

"Since we helped, WE GET TO GO ON THE NICE LIST RIGHT?!"

"You're still getting coal for Christmas Komaeda."

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

"But now, I must go and deliver my presents to people all-" AND SUDDENLY A WILD MONOMI CAME CRASHING IN, LITERALLY SQUASHING SANTA WHICH SHE DIDN'T KNOW!

"ALRIGHT! WHERE'S MAH PRESENT?!" She shouted. Every gasped in surprised, while Chiaki had blown up. Well, she's a AI she'll come back in a second.

"... Why are you guys staring at me like that...?" She asked, before finally noticed the squashed Santa, who literally had the words 'Dead' on his forehead.

"Oh shit..." Monomi sweared for like the first time in forever. Chiaki, who was ALIVE again started freaking out.

"Ah! HELPHELPHELPHELPHELP!"

But guess what! SANTA'S MAGIC WAS STARTING TO WEAR OFF OF THE DESPAIR SISTERS! Their Christmas spirits went like this:

YEAAAAH CHRISTMASSS!

JOLLY

MEH

B L E H

GRI NCH

"OH CRAP! Santa's magic is wearing off!" Hajime shouted. No shit Sherlock. And the two sisters soon went into their killing forms while singing "YOU READY TO DIE?!". The now shitty six started screaming and split up into groups like fucking Scooby Doo. Nagito, Mahiru and Monomi were getting chased by Junko while Hajime, Chiaki and Hiyoko got chased by Mukuro. The HCH (Hajime, Chiaki, Hiyoko) group ran into one room as Chiaki barded the door with robot elves. Meanwhile the NMM (Nagito, Mahiru, Monomi) group ran into another room. However, Monomi got stuck in the door because for some reason she tried to get the perfect butt but just got a really fat ass.

"AH CRAP! I'M STUCK!" Monomi panicked, trying to squeeze through.

Mukuro tried to destroy the robot elf barricade, however it wouldn't budge. Meanwhile Junko was hitting Monomi's ass with her axe.

"Hey! Stop that back there! It tickles!" Monomi please are you a masochist now? Anyways back to the HCH squad.

"Oh god! What are we going to do?!one?!" Chaiki said, freaking out. Hajime was looking through the books on the bookshelves in the room.

"Books on... Making toys... Wrapping Presents... ELF LOVE?!" Honestly Hajime didn't want to know what that was about. Though he soon turned back to Chiaki.

"Man, where're the books to avoid psychotic killers?" He mumbled, however Chiaki only shrugged. Hiyoko groaned.

"Well guys, looks like we're going to be stuck her FOREVER!" She said, dreading the idea. Hajime looked at her, though soon looked at the tiny window behind her. He looked between the two, before having a idea.

"... What?" Hiyoko questioned.

aND THEN HAJIME BECAME A BOSS AND THREW HIYOKO OUT OF THE WINDOW, LITERALLY BREAKING IT. Though it was too small and only Hiyoko would fit through it.

"gO SAONJI! GET HELP! GO YOU BANANA MIDGET!" Hajime commanded at her while she was literally dancing around. Chiaki came next to Hajime, saying 'Oh yeah' in a Luigi voice. Hiyoko was literally high on sugar right now because she was jumping around and cheering. Knowing her she probably wouldn't get help. Then again she might for her bae Mahiru. Anyways, ahoge man and waifu were cheering happily, however the dream died when Hiyoko was nabbed by a eagle. RIP basic blonde bitch.

"... Shit."

"This is just GREAT! The only thing stopped us from death is Monomi's ASS!" Nagito groaned, while Monomi look at him with a 'Dafuq u say niqqa?' look.

"Hey! You should be thanking me- OW!" Yep, Junko was literally going crazy while trying to chop of Monomi's bootyful ass.

"Komeada! I found a 1-UP mushroom in my camera for some fucking reason! We can revive Santa!"

"I don't giv K! WE'RE GOING TO DIE KOIZUMI!" He shouted at her, making her sigh and look around.

"Hey, have you checked down here yet?" Mahiru asked, pointing down to stairs probably leading down to a basement. Nagito had went down there, looking around.

AND THEN HE SAW SOMETHING MAGICAL!

IT WAS...

S...

FUYUHIKO THE MAGICAL REINDEER? Well he was dressed like a turtle so...

"What's up asshole."

"Kuzuryu?! Why... WHAT?! ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO BE A REINDEER! YOU'RE A TURTLE STUPID!" Fuyuhiko stayed silent looking at his costume, realizing that small piece of detail.

"... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-"

Back to the now HC squad.

"GET OVER HERE!" Mukuro shouted, still trying to kick the robot elf barricade out of the way. On the other side, Hajime had done shit and found a bullet bill and was reading a book called 'How to blow shit up FOR DUMMIES!'

"Okay Nanami. I've manage to make a bullet bill to smash Mukuro using this book." He said to her. Meanwhile Chiaki was crying over a RIP gravestone and a picture of derpy Hiyoko, though soon smashed it because no one gives a shit about her.

"Now I just gotta figure out how to turn this crap on..."

Meanwhile, back with NMM:

"Well... Can you fly at least?"

"No."

"Oh come on! Can you at least fight!?one?"

"No."

"UNACCEPTABBBBLLLLLLEEEEEEE! Ima just have to make you useful!" To which by that Nagito meant sticking some fireworks up Fuyuhiko's ass because that's now acceptable. You now insert 'Go motherfuckers go' song. And now Kuzuryu Firework Rocket had activated. Nagito literally stepped on him like a skateboard... Or a surfboard.

"Let's do this shit!" And then they blasted off!

"COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Hajime kept on jumping viciously on the bullet bill until it started working, and catching him off guard it flew. And then he started screaming like a girl. While Nagito pushed pass Monomi and Junko, Hajime and pushed passed the robot elves and Mukuro.

Also Nagito was enjoying this. Hajime just kept on screaming. They kept on flying until they bashed into eachother, which de-activated the... urm, vehicles? Anyways, while Fuyuhiko was now rapping to a song using the Thomas the Tank Engine tune, Nagito looked at the two despair sisters.

"Stay back! I got a Kuzuryu with fireworks up his ass and I'm not afraid to use it!" He warned them, though they didn't give a fuck and did something else.

"Haha! Lookie what we have here!" Mukuro lifted up Mahiru, who was screaming and begging for help. She was literally the Ultimate Damsel-In-Distress.

And then Monomi and Nagito jumped back in surprise.

And then Junko was laughing like a weird gay evil villain.

AND THEN Chiaki and Hajime jumped back in surprise.

Junko went over to the presents and opened one, getting out a FUCKING BIGGER AXE! NAGITO'S BULLSHIT POWERS HAD SPREAD ONTO HER!

"Oh heeeelll noooo! Hajime shouted, somehow knowing what the narrator was saying. Opening up a present he got out his ultimate weapon

...

...

...

A BARBIE DOLL!

Hajime looked down at his 'weapon' with a 'Fuck my life' look.

"You ain't touching my buns, H U N!" Mukuro said not so sexily, before throwing Mahiru into Monomi's cup and going in it too and then flying off.

"MY CUP!"

"MY BAGEL MAKER! OKAY! I HAVE A IDEA!"

And then we go to Nagito on a sledge while Monomi was now dressed as a reindeer. A actually reindeer, not Fuyuhiko's shitty one.

"You're kidding me right?" Monomi said with a 'i am so done with you're shit' expression.

MEANWHILE WITH HAJIME VS JUNKO:

"The power of this doll, uhh, COMPELS YOU!" Hajime shouted, however was nearly killed by the axe Junko thrown at him. She had soon started to chase Chiaki with a axe as well.

aND THEN SUDDENLY THE BELL RANG! It made the thirty three look at the door in a confused manner.

"Hi! I'm home~" OH SHIT IT'S MRS CLAUS RUN FOR YOUR LIFE- Oh wait nevermind she saw her husbando dead and started screaming. While Junko was distracted Chiaki used her Tangled powers and hit Junko with a frying pan.

"Oh snap!" Hajime said in the corner of the screen.

AND BACK WITH THE TWISTED TWO:

"Cmon Monomi! YOU GOT TO BELIEVE!" Nagito shouted at her, to which she started to look at the sky and close her eyes.

"I believe... I BELIEVE... I BEEEEEELIIIIIEEEEVVVVVVEEEEE!" And insert magical tune here. She started running to the edge of the cliff and jumped. But stuffed rabbits can't fly, so it failed. So the two started screaming. Thanks to Nagito bullshit powers, they didn't die when they hit the floor.

"mONOMI YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH!" He yelled.

Meanwhile Mukuro was singing 'Just shake that ass' while Mahiru was literally screaming her head off. The twisted two looked up at the sky.

"Great! All I got is this stupid thing left!" Nagito groaned as he pulled out Fuyuhiko with fireworks in his ass.

"sUp AsShOlEs!" Before Fuyuhiko could say anything else, Nagito did a falcon hope punch and launched him to the sky. Though Fuyuhiko just said 'weeee' while flying through the sky.

aND HE ACTUALLY HIT THEM!

But then he blew up.

RIP Fuyuhiko with fireworks up his ass.

"yOU THINK YOU WON THIS?!" Mukuro screamed while crashing towards Santa's workshop. She had also pushed Mahiru off the cup, who then started screaming as she began falling to her death.

bUT GUESS WHAT HIYOKO DIDN'T DIE.

SHE TAMED THE EAGLE AND SAVED HER BAE.

WHILE SINGING 'MERICA! FUCK YEAH'!

Nagito and Monomi cheered when Hiyoko wasn't a little a bitch and had actually saved someone.

Meanwhile, Mrs Claus was still screaming until she got hit by Mukuro and the cup. Once landing safely, Mahiru ran up to dead Santa.

"Alright! I'm back! Here you go Santa!" She pushed the 1-UP mushroom down his throat to revive. Which actually worked.

"Waaah! W-What's going on? And why do my pants smell like piss?"

bUT IT WASN'T OVER YET! As Junko and Mukuro got back together, Chiaki jumped back and got away from them.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE GET BACK!" Mukuro yelled at everyone, before holding a knife and a mega bomb. Gof fucking dammit Nagito.

"I got a mega bomb here! I'll use it if you don't stay back!" At that point, Nagito and Monomi had ran into the scene, gasping. Though, Nagito soon sighed. Santa looked around before going back to his magical background from ages ago.

" T!" He cheered, which made Nagito have a idea.

"HEY FUCKERS!" He shouted, grabbing Mukuro's attention, "You, uhh, weirdos, need t down. It's Christmas and all that crap." Nagito walked up to Mukuro.

"I guess what I'm saying is... have some Christmas spirit." He then put a present in front of Mukuro, who looked at it before raising a eyebrow.

"What the heck is this?" She then opened it which had a cake inside- insert lovey dovey music here-, and written on it said 'you're a psychotic weirdo 3'. Mukuro gasped at the, urh, beautiful gift?

"Oh! Oh it's so nice ;-; It's just like my birthday cake..." As she said this, her Christmas spirit meter went up:

[MEH]

[jolly]

"Maybe... We should just celebrate Christmas..."

[l : D YAAAY]

Nagito then turned to Junko.

"And you, uhh... Crazy bitch, I have no idea what you like, so you can just have this." He said before giving her a present. She opened it and got...

...

...

...

Her hand. Insert 'Hello... Is it me you're looking for' song here.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" And her Christmas spirit went up:

MEH

fine

GOOD

AWESOME

WOOOO

HORY SHITO

GREEEEEAT

OMMGGGGGGGG

11073

YEAAAAAH DESPAIR

"Yaay!" The two cheered.

"So in the end, Christmas is really just about presents." Hajime stated with a 'why the fuck am i even here' face while Nagito looked cheerful because he actually did shit.

"Well done Nagito!" Santa said, "You did well. Here, I think you deserve this." And he gave him the sUPER AWESOME BAGEL TEA PARTY (tea kit) PRESENT! INSERT THAT HAAAALALULA SONG HERE!

"OOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGOOOOODDDDD!" And then Nagito started fucking his present because of how glorious it was.

"Ooh! How about me?" Monomi asked, giving the sweetest looked a stuffed toy could achieve.

"Urhh... Fine Monomi. You can have the present you want most."

And then a magical Justin Beiber doll appeared. Yes, Monomi is a secret Justin Beiber fan.

"Ooooomggggaaawd Justin Beeeeiiibeeerr!" She screamed and started sexily licking it. Hajime gave the 'why do i know these fucking retards' face as Santa laughed.

"Now I must go. Goodbye everyone." He said before flying away with his reindeers. And yes Fuyuhiko was one of them before he still had fireworks up his ass.

There was a beautiful silence before...

.

.

.

"... How the hell do we get home?" Nagito asked.

.

.

.

" !"

* * *

I am not sorry for writing this and making you all lose a load of IQ points.

I made this for Christmas so.

Y

V E R Y

L A T E

S


End file.
